Thursday, April 10, 2014

Moving On With My Life

Hey Peeps.

This post is more a reflection than anything else. I don't know if this will relate to anyone else or help in any way. But I  need to get this off my chest. So here it goes...

 At a young age my parents divorced. It was difficult; for everyone. I think that goes for me the most. I never understood all the nuts and bolts behind it all. I was young and divorce was a foreign concept to me. I never dwelt with it fully and I think it festered into a bigger problem as I got older. I lived with my mom most of the time and although she was there, she was always working. It felt as though we were ships passing in the night. Because of this I had to mature a lot before I was should have, we all did. It's bitter sweet really; I'm grateful for it though because I have a different perspective on life.  

Fast forward to last year, 2013. Life was a living hell for me. I was in a deep depression, which only a few people knew about. Most of it steamed from on-going arguments between me and my mother. I don't really want to go into what is was all about, half the time I wasn't even too sure myself. What I will say is that most of the time, it was all I could focus on. While I was at school, it was like my head was in a fog. My grades dropped drastically and a lot of the days I didn't want to go to school at all. So I didn't. 

My friends would ask me why I wasn't at school but I would just play it off. And my family members (a few of them anyway) were desperately trying to figure out why I was so withdrawn. My father was concerned but I felt like I couldn't share everything without betraying my mother in some twisted sense (Being that he didn't live there anymore). I was being pulled in so many different directions and internalizing my feelings seemed to be the only thing I could do. 

When the time came for college/university applications, I knew I wasn't ready. To put it quite frankly, I had so much shit I hadn't dealt with yet. Which was my main reason for taking a year off. I decided that this would be my year to deal with it all. So I packed myself  up and came to stay with my Grandmother. I finally started dealing with my problems. Mainly through writing, which gave birth to this blog with some encouragement from a friend Leah. She actually indirectly inspired me to write this, after reading her last post. I just felt compelled to share my story.

I've had a lot of hard days since coming here. Days when I feel like depression might be closer than just a distant memory. But when those days come, I just write and though I don't share everything on this blog it does make me feel a lot better. I've learned not to keep everything so bottled up, it's probably the most unhealthy thing I could have done. So my year off is slowing coming to an end and this coming September I'll be heading off college. I can finally say that I'm ready. Excited even :) For all of it. I'm ready to move on with my life. And although I don't have all the answers for what's up ahead, I believe wholeheartedly I'm going to make it out stronger than I was before.  

I'm not sharing this story for self gratification but instead to hopefully let someone know that it's going to be alright. Depression is something a lot of people don't want to talk about but that's just it, we need to. Don't allow yourself to suffer in silence. Speak up.
Thanks for reading.







4 comments:

  1. Depression is one of the loneliest feelings out there, so it really helps when people share their stories like you have. I feel like depression is always present in my life, but only shows itself every so often. Divorce can be brushed off as something that just happens, but it can affect people deeply as a big change to their life. I'm glad you've found an outlet for your feelings and wish you all the best in the future x

    creamteaandrosejam.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement. I was apprehensive about posting this but now I'm glad I did. All the best to you as well

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  2. Hey there! :) First of all, thanks for taking the time to comment on my humble bloggy, girl. Secondly, good on your for sharing this! Seriously, I understand it may have been hard but you rocked it. Sharing your feelings in such a way can only ever be a positive for other people. I'm excited for you to start your new chapter in life too! I wanna insert some analogy about diamonds and pressure, but I'm in a ridiculously depressed state and it's taking a lot of energy just mustering this up. *sigh*

    This helped. Thanks.

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    1. Hi Ebony, Thank you so much for this comment. It may not seem like much to you but it really made me smile. Hope to here from you again :)

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